Charles no longer In Charge

By Mike Anthony - Hartford Courant
Sophomore center Charles Okwandu has been declared academically ineligible and will not the rest of the season. Okwandu will continue to practice with the Huskies but will not dress for games or travel with the team.

"I am grateful for the opportunity to continue to be a part of the team while I re-focus on my academics," Okwandu said in a statement. "I know with hard work and the support of my coaches and teammates that I will be successful in the classroom and be able to rejoin the team next season."

Said coach Jim Calhoun: "I know that this year has been a challenge for Charles, as it is for many college students. We are 100 percent supportive of Charles as he focuses on his primary goal of attaining a UConn education."

What a devestating blow to the program. How will we replace The Chuckwagon's 4.5MPG, 0.3PPG, and 1.1RPG? I mean he played 10 games this year...what a terrible loss. I have to fault the school on this one, if chuck's tutor can't do a better job forging assignments, he can't be allowed to tutor athletes anymore.

Have Todd and Dan Really Viewed the Site 250+ Times?

What started out as a small mom and pop operation still is, but now this site has received more hits than Kimberly Smith. The sky's the limit, although I doubt we'll end up as high as Kyle McAlarney.

posted by:Dan

Diggering His Own Grave

Many of you might wonder, "Hey, what do you guys have against Digger Phelps? He seems like a nice guy, and is single-handedly keeping office supply stores in business during the recession."

But when he isn't making stupid Notre Dame homer picks, Digger's dogging on the Huskies; on Gameday this morning he picks Providence in his upset win du jour, based on the fact that 'Tim Welsh was fired last year and UConn has dropped 4 straight to Providence (it's actually 3, but who's counting? apparently this guy, not digger). Doesn't matter to him that the game is at Gampel as opposed to the XL, or that Providence's new coach is named after a casino game. If I were his parents it would have been either Blackjack Davis or Pai Gow Poker Davis instead.

I'm sorry Digger, what happened in South Bend last weekend? Refresh my memory please...

Huge game coming up against Louisville, but no way Jimmy C lets the boys look past Providence. Getting 13 is a lot, and God Shamgod isn't walking through that door. Take Providence and the points, but UConn gets a W here.

Providence +13
posted by:Dan

I TOOK EMEKA!

Really big game Saturday with Providence coming to town. Playing at Gampel with the number one ranking at stake should get the fans all riled up. Good times, and below one of the greatest Jimmy C news conferences ever.

An Open Letter to Mark Titus

Mark,
We're big fans. however, we fear that your website has a lot of Big Ten Bias. Which is much different than the ACC Bias who died tragically (that's a cocaine joke). We suggest you give some respect to the Big East, the greatest conference ever, and check out our UConn website, uconn77duke74.com. that, of course, is the score from the 1999 National championship game, our first natl champ, because women's basketball does not count. Bringing hits to our website is fun for everyone, because research shows Coach K sheds a single tear every time a person enters our URL. We dont make any money, we just want people to share our fun. There are lots of YouTube clips of vicious Big East dunks that feature balls in Luke Harangody's mouth. There are also funny tshirts that sadly aren't for sale- we fear litigation-but are good laughs. Check out the Billy "Fudge" Packer tee. If you wear it next to a person with a Jim "Nantz-y Boy" tee, you will be the epitome of high fashion. Thanks, enjoy.
-Todd and Dan

P.S. - you can link to mark's website at clubtrillion.blogspot.com

The Gay.C.C. (yeah, Coach K, I said it!)

The ACC is overrated. Everyone wants a reason to pick against the Big East, so they've talked themselves into the ACC. This is a nice dunk by Gerald Henderson, but it makes my point about why Wake, Duke, and UNC to a lesser extent, can't beat UConn. Their big men are soft! The 7foot slug MacFarland has no chance against Henderson, and yet he was dominating Duke's Zoubek! Thabeet, and sure he hasn't always been great this year, isn't going to be having any of Gerald Henderson's nonsense. Thabeet will own the shit out of Zoubek or MacFarland, and Ed Davis/Deon Thompson at UNC aint scaring anyone.
For everybody who loves the heart that Hansborough plays with, he hasn't played against anyone like Jeff Adrien. I'm not saying Adrien is better, Hansborough clearly has the better game, I'm merely saying Jeffrey is crazier than a rabid dog and won't back down. One of, if not both, would be ejected from the game for fighting each other. Plus, Kemba has the speed to negate Ty Lawson and Stanley and Jerome might be the only wing duo that can defend Green/Ellington.
Suddenly I'm not worried about this team anymore. I firmly believe UConn is the best team in the nation. And, with that, I suggest you take Providence and the points Saturday. This team has me drinkin' the kool-aid, and that's a bad sign...

Refresher Course

We give a lot of love to Bill Raftery, but I just wanted to remind everyone who the greatest of all time is...

Jerry Wainwright of Breakfast Club fame

The principal from Breakfast Club didn't die, he faked his death because he got the DePaul job and couldn't continue living his double life.




Below, Jerry Wainwright, who goes to his nose so many times in 1:23 that Rick James thinks, er, thought, he has a problem.

Ater Boy!

Stumbled across this Ater Majok video bio on Aussie Hoops America dot com (enjoy the name-drop boys. For those of you who navigate the web like Columbus, segment #4 of 7). It's 12 minutes long and def worth the stop and watch (the equivalent to a stop and chat), but if that's too much of a commitment here are some nuggets:

1. Could Hollywood write a better script for a movie? Son of a tribal chief leader, struggling through war-torn Africa, eventually makes his way to college in America. Why does that sound familiar? (The Six Degrees of Andre LaFleur?)

2. Worst case scenario: Luol Deng. Best case scenario: Kevin Durant. Let that sink in for a moment: the Chairman Yi parallel jokes can officially be put to rest.

3. For such a smart kid, why even consider Memphis or Duke?

4. "Even if my cousin was playing on the other team I would take his head off to win the game." You can't even make up shit like that. Part of me actually believes him too. Watch out Majok Majok!

5. Mark Brown is a dirty lying whore for making us think, even for a moment, that he was cleared. Please disregard his disappointing end to the clip.

Friar Offense's

Fast forward to the 1:30 mark and focus on the top right of your screen for the ex-convict drug dealer to come running out of the stands. He is on the court by 1:50.



From ESPN, via the AP
PROVIDENCE, R.I. -- The brother of a Providence basketball player who ran onto the court to confront a referee was ordered held without bail Tuesday for allegedly violating his probation from a 2005 drug conviction.

Jonathan Xavier came down the stands and jumped over the Providence bench during a nationally televised game on Jan. 17 to confront a referee. He was upset no foul was called after his brother, Providence guard Jeff Xavier, was hit in the face by a Marquette defender's arm while he was driving to the basket.

Xavier, 24, pleaded not guilty Tuesday to the disorderly conduct charge. Bail for that charge was set at $10,000. A hearing has been scheduled Feb. 10 for a judge to decide whether he also violated probation.

"I saw him on the court but that was an unfortunate situation. I wish none of that happened," Jeff Xavier, quoted in The Providence Journal, said after the game. "I just want to move forward."

State prosecutors said Xavier pleaded no contest in 2005 to three drug charges. He received a six-year sentence but had to serve only eight months, with the remainder suspended.

If a judge finds he violated the terms of probation, which required him to stay out of trouble, he could have to serve some or all of the remaining years behind bars.

This story and clip tell its own joke. I got nothin'.

'Gody got it...again

Sure, he's a solid player, but this season Luke Harangody seems to be focused on getting himself on as many posters as possible...while people's nuts hang in his face. These are the perils of being a white player. He hustles too much when he should just give up on plays. I mean, Earl clark was one thing, but Gavin Edwards? Luckily, Digger Phelps was in the building for GameDay and was able to massage more than Gody's ego postgame.

Filthy Communist

I feel like a traitor, in fact I'm probably going to have to shower this pick off me like a rape victim, but the choice has been taken out of my hands. And let me tell you why - the fans at Notre Dame are going crazy. Granted, GameDay is there, but ND must've had 5,000 fans in the Joyce Center before 10am. Not just any fans, mind you, but rabid ones. Earlier in the year I was upset that ESPN didn't have GameDay at Storrs. Now I have no argument. Our team might be #3, but our fans suck. When the worldwide leader wont come to it's own backyard, you've got a problem.

Notre Dame +2

Ben Gordon curses The Mullet

By K.C. Johnson Chicago Tribune reporter
The Bulls fined guard Ben Gordon on Thursday for missing the team deadline for a flight, and the typically stoic guard expressed his displeasure during an animated conversation with coach Vinny Del Negro.The incident took place after Del Negro addressed reporters and had answered a direct question about whether players respect the rookie coach by saying this: "They should. They better. But you ask the players that." Del Negro declined a request through a team spokesman to address the issue further. Reached outside the Berto Center, Gordon said the incident was no longer an issue and he had no problems with Del Negro. Gordon did not curse his coach directly but used profanity to emphasize his frustration, believing he had been falsely accused of the transgression.

It takes a lot to get Ben Gordon mad, just ask the woman he hit on campus years ago. She was really pushing her luck. Anyway, I love Ben - he won a National Championship and used to own Madison Square Garden. He is one of the five best UConn players ever, no doubt about it. I'll tell you what, Ben is right, Vinny can go F*%& himself. Ben is such a professional that he took the high road after this fiasco-this kinda stuff happens all the time, the media just happened to see this one, so let's not make Ben out to be a bad guy.
I do love that Ben believed he was "falsely accused of the transgression." When a plane is supposed to leave at 4pm and you show up at 430pm, there is really no question about fault. You are late, and you should be fined for being an idiot. When I regularly show up late for class it effects my grade, and it should effect you paycheck too, T.O.

NCAA, Not Caring About Ater

From Mike Anthony, The Hartford Courant
The wait for Ater Majok's status is over. The wait for Ater Majok himself will continue for almost another year.

UConn announced Wednesday night that Majok, a 6-10 forward from Sudan via Australia, has been granted partial eligibilty by the NCAA. He will move into a dorm and begin classes at UConn Thursday, and he is eligible to practice with the team. However, Majok is not eligible to play in games until after exams of the fall 2009 semester.

That means Majok, who has been in the U.S. for 88 days awaiting word from the NCAA eligibility center, will begin playing about 10 games into next season.

"It's good but it's bad," Majok said. "It's bad because I don't get to play [immediately] but it's good because I can get acclimated. I'll practice and get to know the team."

Majok, who left war-torn Sudan and moved to Egypt as a boy, eventually ending up in Australia, said he will be a pre-law major. If the NBA doesn't work out, he would like to be a lawyer and an archeologist.

Majok, as a partial qualifier, will be allowed to sit on the bench during home games but can not travel -- unless he travels on his own, as he did for last Thursday's game at St. John's.

Really, Ater? A lawyer AND an archeologist? Come on. I mean, really. First Rip gets benched, then Bynum rubs it in our face with 42 points, and now the NCAA bones us with Majok? The sky is falling on UConn basketball.

UConn/'Nova

Nitpicking:
- AJ had six of the fourteen turnovers. He's gonna have to score 29 to get away with that...

- Stanley only had two points, but it was a nice two points on an alley-oop from AJ in the first half.

Joke Notes:
-Donyell Marshall has been at so many games lately I'm starting to think he fathered an illegitimate son while on a recruiting trip in 1989 or something. Why else make the trip? NY last week, Hartford this week... That would make his kid 18, so it's gotta be one of the freshman. Kemba Marshall Walker?

- UConn looked awesome until there were three minutes left. Their inability to put this game out of reach, to win by 12-15, is really troubling. This is where I want to make a joke about having a mole on the team shaving points, but I'm going to resist. Really, it's not true. But what a solid cover for my first pick.

-After Reynolds made that three to make it a one possession game I was afraid Shamon Tooles was gonna inbound the ball. It would have been a terrible loss.

Line 'em up

Villanova getting 9 points tonight seems like way too many. That is a pretty good team, we've lost to three out of the last four meetings, to be getting nine. Scottie Reynolds (finally asserting himself after taking last year off to focus on getting fat), Dante Cunningham, Corey Fisher and Corey Stokes are all serious scoring threats, and we dont have enough perimeter defense to keep Fisher/Stokes/Reynolds down. If one of them gets hot, it should be enough to cover. I still think we win, but it should be a close one.

The (insert superlative here) Pick = Villanova +9

The Oakland Zoo is coming for You

While I do not generally condone the action of Pittsburgh fans, after all, these are the same people who viciously heckled Khalid El-Amin and other Uconn greats, but they just called out all the other student sections in the Big East. Matched up against Syracuse, Pitt repeatedly chanted, "You hit girls" at Eric Devendorf...even when he doesn't have the ball! That is a challenge, my student section friends.
The best way to bring pride to our school is to show up at the Uconn/Syracuse game at Gampel wearing uconn77duke74.com "Devendorf/Ike Turner" shirts. (-------->)
Fill the student section with these sweet units and put the Oakland Zoo to shame.

Lazy Saturday

Some thoughts from a long, lazy Saturday of college ball.

-Miami could be very, very good the next two years if they don't lose anyone. McClinton is going to be a decent NBA player, ala Eddie House. He's an explosive college scorer who is too small to play shooting guard in the NBA and doesn't have the handle to play the point. That said he is a very good and streaky shooter. Someone will have a use for him off the end of their bench if he is willing to work. On top of him, they have DeQuan Jones, who I am drooling over, in case you couldn't tell from the YouTube clips below. If he can develop a mid-range game, because right now he is living off his athleticism around the hoop to score, he is a lottery pick in 2010. Their recruiting class of 2009 could be what takes them to the next level. If Durand Scott (can we blame him for not picking UCONN? I'm freezing my ass of here right now, and if I could do it over again I'd be at Florida) can make the shot at the college level (I'm looking at you, Scottie Haralson) and they land John Wall, who Jones throws down on in that high school clip, McClinton can shift to his more natural two and Wall slicing and kicking to McClinton/Scott would be a nightmare.

-Danny Green continues to impress me. I cannot understand why he is not projected to be a lottery pick in the 2009 Draft. He is crazy athletic and has shown marked improvement in his defense (he gives top notch effort now and plays solid on and off the ball) and shooting, which were two of his weaknesses last year. In my opinion if you can find someone that athletic who is willing to work hard each summer to add to his game, what else can you ask? He is going to be a very, very good player in the NBA if he continues to work hard. And sure, he disappears sometimes, but when you play for UNC there are so many great college players on the floor it's an easy thing to do.

-Greg Monroe is the real deal. He is pretty damn smart and probably has the best court vision and passing ability of any non-point guard in the 2009 Draft projections. I'd still rather have a shot blocker like Thabeet in front of him, but Monroe is a solid top 10 pick.

-I guess I need to watch more Oklahoma and ASU games, because I don't get Griffin (poor man's Carlos Boozer?) and Harden. Harden looked like shit to me against UCLA (there's a program on the way down, by the way) - he just runs into people really hard and chucks the ball up. Would like to see him create jumpers off the dribble, floaters in lane, etc. Maybe it was just this game or I didn't watch it closely enough. Definitely has a good body for NBA guard though. Physicality reminds me a bit of Baron Davis. Certainly lacks his creativity, and hopefully works harder...

-Ok, so Jeff Teague is a nice college player. I don't see how his game translates to the NBA. Against Clemson he had 26 points, but he got to the line 18 times! (13-18FT) He just runs into people and gets bailout calls. He jumper is not that great. Again, he is very good, but I think a 15-20 pick, and not a lottery player. Perhaps that isn't anything new, but everyone is fawning over him since the UNC game, and I think it's a bit much. He distributes the ball like shit. Having only watched the Clemson game it is hard to say, but right now that freshman kid Aminu looks like the better NBA prospect.

Super Scintillating Sensational

DeQuan Jones is un-fucking-believable. The first clip starts with a nice block, but fast forward to the 0:28 mark for the best college dunk I've seen in years. While searching for that i found the second clip which is from his senior year in high school where he basically jumps over a guy from the free throw line. Undoubtedly the greatest high school dunk ever. Enjoy

Notre Dame loves taking facials

This is what happens when you smoke too much weed, Kyle, it slows your reaction time and things like Paul Harris jumping over you happen.

Nerf-tastic

I've been looking for this clip for quite some time with no luck. I had given up until I stumbled upon it looking for that vicious dunk from the UNC/Miami game. I have to give credit where credit is due - Bill Simmons ran this a couple years ago, but it is worth seeing again. Enjoy.

Kevin Pittsnogle, The Height of Unintentional Comedy

*For the record: We had this story up like 5 hours before Barstool.
(From the New York Times)
Lure of Pro Ball Still Tugs at Pittsnogle
By JOHN BRANCH
Published: January 15, 2009
MARTINSBURG, W.Va. — There is a middle school up the hill from the McDonald’s here, and behind it are several classroom trailers, the type that are added when space gets tight and are never taken away(We're looking at you, Manchester High).

Kevin Pittsnogle has put aside his basketball career for a chance to help a high school team as an assistant coach and teach special education students in his hometown, Martinsburg, W.Va.

Inside one of the trailers last Friday stood a tall man with a familiar face. He wore a Bugs Bunny tie and a gray dress shirt with sleeves rolled to the elbows. Tattoos spilled to his wrists. He spoke kindly to two of his special education students, who called him Mr. Pittsnogle.

Less than three years ago, Pittsnogle was an all-American senior averaging 19.3 points who led West Virginia to the 2006 regional semifinals. He expected to be chosen in the N.B.A draft. He was not.

Now, at 24, he is a middle school teacher in his hometown. He is also an unpaid assistant coach for a high school basketball team. He bowls in leagues three nights a week and occasionally plays bingo at Big Bucks Bingo. His wife, Heather, is a bank teller. They have two children and live in a double-wide trailer, and together they wonder how much appetite they have for uprooting their lives again so Pittsnogle can have one more chance at a basketball career.

In two years he played for nine teams, in the Continental Basketball Association, the N.B.A.’s development league, the N.B.A.’s summer leagues, in France and in Puerto Rico.

As a player, Pittsnogle is a pure shooter whose body does not match his skills. Kelvin Sampson, then the coach at Oklahoma, once called him a “two-guard who grew to 6-11.” After college, Pittsnogle’s weight grew, too, by about 40 pounds, to 300.

“I kept hearing, ‘You’re overweight,’ ” Pittsnogle said. “ ‘You can average 20 points a game, but we’re not going to bring you up until you lose some weight.’ ”

Medication has helped him lose 25 pounds and re-energize his playing hopes. He is pondering N.B.A. summer leagues, one last time.

“I’m open to anything,” Heather Pittsnogle said (i bet you are, Heather, I bet you are...), holding 8-month-old Amyyah while speaking Friday night over the din of a high school game between Jefferson and Hedgesville, a rival of Martinsburg High, where Pittsnogle starred. “But I might have to bite my tongue if we go overseas.”

Long after Hedgesville won, Pittsnogle stood in the gym, dressed in his Bugs Bunny tie and gray dress shirt, rolled to the elbows. On a dare, he grabbed a ball and effortlessly flipped a shot from behind the 3-point arc. It hit the back of the rim.

Things to consider...

Does any other team outside the Ivy League have a Gavin and a Craig? Who needs Ben Eaves, Justin Brown, and Ed Nelson anyway?

Bigger Rap Star: Ed Nelson or Shamon Tooles?

Who wins 1 on 1: Ray Allen or Jesus Shuttlesworth?

What about Mike Rosario or Prince? Or are they the same person?

When Fred Hill (now 10-8 after losing 5 straight) loses his job at the end of the year, at least he won't have to relocate far to become Eddy Curry's new chauffeur.

What if Mr. Gampel’s last name had been Johnson?

If I had been born in the Sudan in the mid-1980’s, was displaced by a civil war, moved across the world for safety and currently awaited NCAA Clearinghouse eligibility, I would have tried to play the Lost Boy card by now. Either that or a fruit basket Ater, WE ONLY HAVE A WEEK LEFT.

More afraid of Jim Calhoun: Cancer or Mike Krzyzewski?

Since 2000: Ajou Ajou Deng, Doug Wrenn, Marcus Cox, Scott Hazelton, Robert Swain, Marcus White, Antonio Kellogg, Rob Garrison, Ben Eaves, Marcus Johnson, Curtis Kelly, and Doug Wiggins; who’s next, and can we be proactive and package Mandeldove, Beverly, and Haralson in a deal for Steph Curry?

Jonathan Mandeldove Facebook Status Suicide Watch:

Back when Hasheem Thabeet and Mandeldove were both “4* recruits who will battle for playing time” and Facebook was the hip new thing, I decided to “friend” each. Since then Hash has blown up while Dove has…, um, well another Bird for UConn has appeared in more games than Dove, and he's a walk-on, so you get the idea.

A month ago, Facebook updates gave me this gem: (These are actual Jonathan Mandeldove Facebook updates; the names, dates, and views expressed have not been altered in any way, shape, or form.)

December 15th: Jonathan is bored with life. 9:45pm

(Now, I've never benchwarmed for a #2 ranked basketball team, but if there's anything I've learned recently it's that even riding pine for a mediocre team is a blast! So it made me wonder what's wrong with Dove, thus The JMFSSW)

To bring you up to speed:

December 27th: Jonathan is kinda upset right now. y am i so nice? some people in this world do not deserve me. 1:16am

(Clearly a backhanded shot at Jimmy C, which I will neither accept nor stand for.)

Jonathan is bored call me if u got my number. 4:39pm

December 28th: Jonathan is bored and is wondering wat ppl r doing? somebody plz save me. 10:32pm

January 4th: Jonathan is bored on Uconn's campus. 4:19pm

Jonathan is bored. 6:20pm

Jonathan is asking someone to save him. 6:22pm

January 12th: Jonathan is bored trying to read this book. 10:27pm

(I can only speculate as to what he may have been reading, but evidence points to this.)

January 13th: Jonathan is deleting all females from his friends list,bc they think i just want to get in there pants. have a gnite. 1:44am

Jonathan is saying that all females think that a guy thats an athlete wants to get in her pants. i fucking hate how some females think. if we never talked her on faceboo. 2:10 am

(Inability to type coherently, irrational thoughts, lack of sexual interest in women, bored with life, asking to be saved...these are not good signs Dove. How about instead of being "bored" all the time YOU WORK ON SOME $@!#&?% LOW POST MOVES!!, you and The Chuckwagon are all we have at the 5 next year! More updates to follow.)

Current Threat Level: Elevated.

Dan (the other guy)

'Gody got it

Luke Harangody gets it thrown in his face viciously by Earl Clark. Listen closely for the great Bill Raftery's response...Then fast forward to 1:05 for Jay Bilas with a classic demand and pants wetting. Then fast forward to 2:18 for multiple views and Raftery exclamations.

Jokes

-I don't think Kyle McAlarney is the only one in his family who has smoked pot. From the looks of his mother, she's had her fair share of the munchies, too...

-Digger Phelps' closet has separate sections for his famous matching fluorescent ties, pocket squares, highlighters, and butt plugs. (By the way, I hate Notre Dame)

-Hey, Norm Roberts, you can have Doug Wiggins now.

-When Bill Raftery is having sex, do you think he repeatedly yells, "Send it in, big fella!" ??

-If you are Jim Calhoun and have beat cancer three times, do you have some kind of tenure over other survivors? Like, does he even have to ask Jim Boeheim how he's doing anymore?

-Edgar Sosa's shot selection is a joke.

-Steve Lavin's attempt to coin the phrase "shut his water off" as a way to say a player has been shut down defensively. As in, "If Jerome Dyson guards him, Dyson will shut his water off." Also, he now goes to commercials with "Timeowwwwwwwwwwwwwt." Furthermore, passing the ball is not called "sharing the sugar." That's a joke.

-Bobby Gonzalez's Life Odds
+600=fired at year end
+450=strangles official midgame
+250=punches opposing coach (most likely Fred Hill) in face during postgame handshakes
EVEN=dies of brain aneurysm in mid-game tirade

Coming Soon:"The Jonathan Mandeldove Facebook Status Suicide Watch"
and reports from my visit to practice in "The Jim Calhoun Curse Counter"

Mick Cronin Q+A

To get ready for UCONN's game at Cincinnati on Saturday, I sat down with Bearcats coach Mick Cronin, to see what, other than fear of another potato famine, scares him.

Todd: Hey, Coach, thanks for sitting down with me today.
Mick: I'm actually still standing, (sitting) ok, there we go. Ya know, it's a little earlier than I usually like to do media, but I managed to have me bowl o' Lucky Charms, so I'm good to go.
Todd: Great. Let's begin with how you got started in basketball. I was impressed to see you earned All-City honors as a point guard at LaSalle High here in Cincinnati. How'd ya do it? Killer crossover? Sweet jumper?
Mick: Actually, I patented a little move we called "The Nutmeg."
Todd: I've never heard that term applied to basketball. So, it was like the soccer move, you would dribble the ball through the opponents legs?
Mick: Ha, ha, ha. (wry smile) I guess you could say that. Not only did I dribble through the opponents legs, I ran right through 'em! It was like watching a four year old play with adults.
Todd: Oh. I see. Your bio says your father was a coaching legend at the high school level in Cincinnati. Says here he won over 400 games! He must've had an impact on you getting into the profession...
Mick: Where did you get that? Wikipedia?
Todd: Yes, I did.
Mick: That is a patent falsehood! My father was an employee of the Keebler Cookie Company. He was amongst the first elves to unionize at Keebler. The working conditions in that tree were no where near what you see on the commercials! Those were shot off-site with actors.
Todd: Wow, Mick, I'm sorry. I didn't know.
Mick: It's ok, not a lot of people know I'm half elf, half Irish. My father married a normal size woman, and I came out somewhere in the middle. Kind of like that show on TLC.
Todd: Let's move on. When you took the job at Cincinnati, was it a priority of yours and the administration to clean up the program? This place used to be filled with thugs like Jason Maxiell, Kenyon Martin, and Bob Huggins. But now, I mean, I spent an hour Google-ing for arrests and couldn't find anything on these kids! You guys are cleaner than Notre Dame, really.
Mick: Well, to be honest, it's kind of a mixed blessing. I mean, at least those thugs won games. We are a clean program, but we kinda suck too. And, in his defense, Deonta Vaughn is a much bigger thug than people give him credit for. How Deonta has avoided arrest is beyond me.
Todd: Have you ever considered dyeing your hair?
Mick: Well, its been a tough year, but I don't think I'm going gray yet (nervous chuckle).
Todd: I would never suggest you are graying. But you are a red head...
Mick: (blank, unamused stare)
Todd: Last question. Your first head coaching job was in Kentucky, at a small college called Murray State. Was it difficult to succeed at a school where the three largest donors don't have a full set of teeth between them?
Mick: It was difficult. But contract negotiations made all the troubles worth it. None of the trustees could count very high, and most of them wore tin foil hats in honor of Senator Jim Bunning. So right before i signed my contract I added a bunch of zero's, and no one could tell the difference! I heard the guy who coached there before me convinced them that a .100 winning percentage was the highest number possible. That hoax lasted for like six years, until the county got their first calculator in 2001 and found out he was lying to them.
Todd: Great story. Thanks for taking some time to talk with me today, Mick.

Huggy Bear Sad

UCONN managed to beat West Vir-gina by six (where was I on that spread! getting 3!?!?! clearly scared from a terrible gambling weekend, rossie), despite the best efforts of the referees, who tried to steal the game from us. The ref's waged a vicious second half battle with the West Virginia mascot (yes, the one who wears an animal fur outfit and coon skin hat, replete with a shotgun he fires repeatedly) to see who was the bigger racist, as ticky tick fouls were repeatedly called on the Huskies in the final minutes. Luckily, Alex Rouff was not guarded by anyone when he bricked consecutive crunch time shots (i stole that cliche from jeff jacobs), or else he'd have been at the line with a chance to take the lead, because Ben Eaves isn't walking through that door!
It was a tough loss for team Huggy Bear, but hopefully not bad enough to land the fat swine another D.U.I. It's a long season, Bob, and if you start hitting the bottle now imagine how bad things will be February 9th at Pittsburgh, down 20, and looking at a 2 games below .500 record. Then it will be time to break out the Goose. And you got popped for that DUI by the Cincy police. Really, Bob, I mean really. If Kenyon Martin could avoid getting arrested there, how do you fall into the trap? I mean, come on...the new guy at Cincy is named Mick Cronin. Now that is a man who should be getting DUI's. He couldn't be more Irish if his name was Guinness O'Jameson.
-Kemba Walker is a hell of a player, but i still dont want him on the court in a close game with a couple minutes to go. I want AJ getting into the paint, not Kemba. I think teams know this and will play off him.
-Stanley Robinson is a freak. Just sit back and absorb that point for a few moments.
-Jeff Adrien is a poor man's Kevin Freeman. And that's only kinda an insult. K-Free was the man.
-AJ Price is the rich man's Brian Fair. And that is an insult. A cheap, easy, hilarious insult.
-Jerome Dyson was billed as a poor man's D-Wade. I would argue more a crack-addict's D-Wade, but nonetheless, he's having a nice year. What's that? D-Wade's mom was a crack addict, ohhhhh...too soon?
-Nate Miles was due in court Monday, and that brings about an interesting question that many have touched upon. Did Nate Miles get railroaded? the answer is yes. Yes he did. Some other Uconn reporters like myself have tried to report on this, but it doesnt seem they are being allowed to. Yes, Mike Anthony, I read your blog, and I'm going to make your point for you. Eric Devendorf, the poor man's Gerry McNamara, walks around campus like he's Ike Turner and gets suspended something like two games, and against cupcakes! Meanwhile Nate's going to get his charges dropped to something equal to j-walking and yet the board kicks him out. It is an egregious misjustice, your honor! When i argued this point with women, here's how it went:
woman-Todd, how can you defend Nate Miles? he tried to rape a woman!
Todd-i can defend him because his jumper is money.
Woman-you are disgusting.
Todd-you're disgusting.
-oh, how i long for the days of Rashad Anderson's Fish Fry, a greater basketball/culinary analogy than Gilbert Arenas' Hibachi.