John Calpari visited ESPN in the last couple of days to do an interview about how he always gets great recruits and then fails to win National Championships. Or something like that...
Anyway, I was unable to embed the video of the interview, so I decided to provide you with the transcript:
Anchor: University of Kentucky Coach John Calipari, welcome to SportsCenter.
Calipari: Thanks. Where is Hannah Storm? I wore extra gel in my hair to impress her.
Anchor: Did you also fly in on that UK jet to impress her?
Calipari: No, I fly in that to impress EVERYONE. Especially recruits.
Anchor: That's a nice segway, Coach. Let's talk about your recruits. Once again you have the top recruiting class and possibly the top recruit in the country. How do you do it year in and year out?
Calipari: Well, you know, my methods have changed over the years. Back in the day, Marcus Camby was my marquee recruit and I made sure Marcus had boosters giving him 40k, cars, prostitutes...whatever it took.
People think this was so difficult for Marcus, but I was the one who truly suffered. You see, because I overpaid Marcus for so long and it worked so well, once I went to the NBA I thought I had to continue overpaying players like Antoine Walker, Kenny Anderson, and other guys who don't have money left anymore.
Anchor: Were you able to learn from your mistakes with Marcus when you returned to college basketball at Memphis?
Calipari: Absolutely. Instead of paying players, I started using new recruiting methods. For example, I didn't pay DaJuan Wagner to play at Memphis, but a few days after DaJuan signed I hired his father to be the Coordinator or Basketball Operations.
Anchor: That's right...didn't some people have a problem with that?
Calipari: The people who had the biggest problem with it were those at Memphis. I mean, can you imagine working your ass off to advance within the Memphis Athletic Department, probably getting a Master's degree, and then this guy comes in? Hahahaha it was so funny to see the faces of the people Milt Wagner leapfrogged....
Anchor: Isn't it true that Milt Wagner did not even have a college degree when you hired him in 2001?
Calipari: That is true, but he took classes and completed his degree in 2004. I look at it this way - I don't care if any of my players get an education so why should I care if my Coordinator of Basketball Operations doesn't have one? That would be hypocritical.
Milt was a role model for the kids. With Milt around the program the kids had a father figure where they could look at him and say, 'You know what, I may not be good enough to play pro ball, but if my son is really good then perhaps I can whore him out in exchange for stable employment.'
Anchor: You make a good point, Coach. By the way, what happened to DaJuan Wagner? I believe he was the #1 recruit that year.
Calipari: He got HIV/AIDS
Anchor: Wow. Um, any other examples?
Calipari: Of course! How long do you have? Next there was Tyreke Evans. Tyreke was a huge prospect and clearly would be a "one and done" player. As such, he needed to stay in shape, so I hired his childhood trainer as one of my administrative assistants.
Anchor: I'm confused. Why would you hire the trainer to be an administrative assistant and not as a trainer?
Calipari: Don't ask stupid questions, not Scott Van Pelt. I love that guy. Anyways, next was Derrick Rose. Derrick was not so, how do you say, smart. I will give him credit though, he was smart enough to know he wouldn't pass the SAT and had someone else take it for him. The great thing about academic fraud is it takes a long time to investigate, so Derrick was able to play for our Final Four team and help us to 38 wins. Overall, it was a great year. Derrick's brother even got to travel with the team all season on that fancy jet we talked about earlier.
Anchor: I'm confused again. My notes say you have only one Final Four appearance and that it was last year in a loss to UConn.
Calipari: Well, I have been to the Final Four a few times but those performances have always later been invalidated. So I guess I am like a ghost.
While we talk about academic fraud, how 'bout that Laurinburg Institute? We got two great program players from there, Joey Dorsey and Robert Dozier. Unfortunately, this place kind of "jumped the shark" and now we can't get any players out of there.
Anchor: Why can't you get players from there anymore? Is it because there are more schools looking at these players?
Calipari: No. They were accused of being a diploma mill and the NCAA later declared them "unfit as an institution." The NCAA will no longer accept any credits from Laurinburg.
Anchor: Well, Coach, it sounds like you have "jumped the shark" and "massive fraud" confused...
Calipari: Potayto, Potahto. Agree to disagree...
Anchor: Coach, will all of your success at the college level, do you every think about making another run at the pros?
Calipari: My closest tie to the pro game at this point are my players who are in the league and, of course, LeBron's best friend who I hired to be a Grad Assistant. I think having LeBron on campus, err, I mean, Brandon Weems, will be a boost to recruiting.
Anchor: I bet it will, Coach. Thanks for your time.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Syracuse Plot Thickens
Here is the story from this afternoon's Outside The Lines about the Bernie Fine molestation charges:
What I wrote last week about this being fishy doesn't hold as much water now that we find out the Syracuse Police are telling the District Attorney to take his subpoena and fuck off.
When the DA's son was reached for comment on why his father should receive the files being subpoenaed, he simply said it was because, "His father is the District Attorney!
What I wrote last week about this being fishy doesn't hold as much water now that we find out the Syracuse Police are telling the District Attorney to take his subpoena and fuck off.
When the DA's son was reached for comment on why his father should receive the files being subpoenaed, he simply said it was because, "His father is the District Attorney!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Chris Berman talks about Bernie Fine
As a Worldwide Leader in our own right, we have moles planted inside ESPN at all times. Our reports indicate this is a sampling of nicknames Chris Berman is working on for a Syracuse basketball game later this year...
Bernie "He finds little boys butts oh so" Fine
Bernie "Don't worry, if I touch you here it's" Fine
Bernie "It's not true, you heard it through the grape" Fine
Bernie "So I molested him, I guess I deserve a" Fine
and on, and on, and on...
Bernie "He finds little boys butts oh so" Fine
Bernie "Don't worry, if I touch you here it's" Fine
Bernie "It's not true, you heard it through the grape" Fine
Bernie "So I molested him, I guess I deserve a" Fine
and on, and on, and on...
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
The Archive 1.0
After a long brainstorming session with my fellow editors we feel we have come up with a plan which will provide everyone with great content all season long. We will post sporadically this week and ramp up to full time starting on Sunday.
In the meantime, here is a long lost clip which will be part of one of our many new series. From "The Archive 1.0" please enjoy Khalid El-Amin down 4 with 9 seconds left and racial epithets, among a range of offenses, being rained upon him.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Kemba's Big Night: 2011 Draft Live Blog
Well, it's been about half a year since the last post so allow me to start with a little housekeeping:
1 - I forgot to renew the www.uconn77duke74.com domain name, so now you have to type in www.uconn77duke74.blogspot.com to get here. Some guy bought it and is trying to sell it back to me. His name is Bill West. Bill, if you're reading this, I am not paying you. No one reads it and I refuse to pay for something which, by never producing the t-shirts (lucrative) and never trying to make mainstream, has come to embody my laziness.
2 - the Twitter stream on the side fails to show those are things I have re-tweeted. Someone else wrote those things and they made me laugh so I "re-tweeted" them. This is a general practice, mind you, and certainly not some kind of "tweet plagiarism."
I think that's it...enough about me, time for mildly racist jokes!
6:45 - There are only a few things I want from this draft. One, I would like Kemba to go no later than Sacramento, although one can imagine the chemistry between him and Tyreke Evans could be the worst thing since Kenny Anderson and anyone he played with.
Two, I would like Jimmer to NOT go to the Utah Jazz. The riots will be awesome. Every packed bar viewing party with their 3.2% alcohol beers will look like those Cleveland bars when LeBron made The Decision. I hope they pass on Jimmer at 12 in favor of some giant black dude (i'm looking at you, Kenneth Faried) who will spend the next handful of years savaging their Mormon women like Karl Malone did and then wearing Skechkers Shape Ups in retirement to pay his alimony.
7:15 - only 15 mins to go. I'm about to make dinner by reheating my Chinese food from last night. Funny tangent about that Chinese food: I played golf last night and had a decent shrimp and scallop picatta at MCC (it was too watery, was going to include mushrooms but they were thankfully out, had little lemon, too much white wine, little to no parsley OR capers, etc etc - this isn't the place to be Sam Sifton...). Regardless, it was filling.
I also got to MCC at about 2pm and left around 9:30pm. According to my phone, I ordered said Chinese food at 9:50something. I do not remember ordering or receiving it. I do remember that I woke up around 12:30am and looked to my left to see a still stapled together bag of Chinese food that I had presumably ordered.
I opened the bag, ate the shrimp/egg? roll and the wonton soup and put the rest of it in the fridge. I have no idea what I ordered, so I am now going to open my container and see what I lucked/fucked myself in to....
It's Chicken and Broccoli! WOOOOOOO! I ate General Tso's from this place on Saturday and it sucked. Please I did not repeat that mistake or get any other fried chicken products.
7:29 - LAST THOUGHT: Everyone is looking for Kemba to slide, but I think he pulls a Ben Gordon and goes three to Utah.
7:33 - David Stern to the podium and the usual heckling.
7:34 - Stern deadpanned, "It's a good crowd." Is he taking lessons from Colin Quinn? !?! I love Stern, except when the work stoppage begins shortly...
7:35 - Cleveland is on the clock, and the throw is to Stewart Scott's (joke redacted for cancer sympathy reasons) and his merry band of analysts. I saw the idea today on Twitter to drink whenever Jay Bilas says upside.
7:36 - The pick is in. Let's do this thing, Bilas!
7:37 - Kyrie Irving goes 1. I almost forgot about my favorite NBA Draft game: "What is the over/under for when the first player who has the same last name as his mother (and isn't from a foreign country, don't ruin this for me Mrs. Kanter...) gets drafted."
7:42 - Only a Kyrie Irving dad interview. So rare for a father to be in the picture that I have to assume the mother is either dead or has the last name Irving as well. There have been years when this game has lasted through the lottery. Without a mother interview, I have to assume the game is still alive. Sorry, Irving family.
7:45 - The Dedrick Irving interview felt like what Poppa Shuttlesworth would have said if HE GOT GAME had film of the draft.
7:46 - Derrick Williams can't wait to get high and underachieve with his mentor Michael Beasley!
7:47 - Bilas just said "...wingspan, sooo Bottoms Up, everybody." I fucking love Jay Bilas. Follow him at @JayBilas - great Bill Raftery jokes
7:51 - I like Kanter, it's hard to hate on him. I heard from Chad Ford, not personally but via a podcast with Bill Simmons), that Kanter's parents are like molecular biologists or curing AIDS or something like that. He will be good and dedicated at getting better every year. I really like him.
7:53 - Fraschilla just pointed out all kinds of stuff about Kanter, including his body fat percentage. Listen Fran, I know you are the foreign player expert, but you don't need to get so gay about it.
7:55 - And Kanter gets booed by fans after saying he supports Kentucky and seeing the pan to Calipari!
7:57 - P.S. This is not good for Kemba...
7:59 - Really, a Canadian? I mean, really?
8:01 - You know it's a weak draft when a guy who says "I'm not coming here for at least one more year" goes 5
8:05 - After interviewing three consecutive foreign born players, Mark Jones loses it and insults the English of Jonas Valaciousheehnesshensehs
8:07 - Supposedly he is really athletic for a white foreigner. Gotta like that for the Wiz.
8:09 - Mark Jones has another foreigner! Jonesy is heated.
8:10 - Oh, what do you know...Corey Maggette is getting traded again.
8:12 - Hey, NBA teams, BUY AMERICAN! Five straight foreigners.
8:20 - And it gets worse for Kemba....
8:22 - And it gets better for Kemba!!! Off to join MJ and the Bobcats. The chip on his shoulder will stay with him forever. Look for a great career outta this guy, got better ever yr at UCONN. I like Silas as a coach for him - not a great coach but a great guy I think.
8:25 - Andrea Walker is our winner of the "First Player Who Is Drafted and Has The Same Last Name as His Mother." I remember when my mother and I used to play this game in the mid 90's and it used to stretch into the 20's. America is obviously in a much better place now. Family First!
8:29 - And with the 10th pick the Milwaukee Bucks select Jimmer Fradette to replace Joe Alexander as their Great White Disappointment. Note: I ignored the Bucks traded this pick to the Kings because I wanted to make the Joe Alexander joke. I believe it was worth it.
8:39 - Knight goes 8, Kemba goes 9. Just don't understand why the Cavs didn't take Williams, or even Kanter, at 1 and waited for Kemba or Knight or at 4 instead of a bum who is tied in to playing in Europe for at least one more year. But, I guess that's why they are Cleveland. That City = Fail.
8:46 - I love Marc Jackson and will miss him announcing but I think he will be the Ozzie Guillen of the NBA so I'm psyched.
8:47 - Suns take Marquief Morris at 13. At this point anyone who doesn't take Kenneth Faried is an idiot. Kid is a beast.
8:56 - The Pacers are on the clock at 15 - Larry Bird wants to know, 'who is the best available white talent!?!?'
8:59 - Mrs. Morris sets the record for consecutive FPWIDAHTSLNAHM as her twin sons goes 13/14 to round out the lottery.
9:08 - How will the Knicks fuck this one up? I gotta think Faried is PERFECT for them...
9:10 - Spike Lee getting more airtime in the last 5 minutes than his movies have in the last 5 years.
9:11 - WHO? hahaha they picked a guy who isn't even in the building!!! bahahah. people said he was rising the last few days so i guess i get it but i gotta think this is just Walsh telling Dolan to go fuck himself.
9:13 - screw it, im done.
1 - I forgot to renew the www.uconn77duke74.com domain name, so now you have to type in www.uconn77duke74.blogspot.com to get here. Some guy bought it and is trying to sell it back to me. His name is Bill West. Bill, if you're reading this, I am not paying you. No one reads it and I refuse to pay for something which, by never producing the t-shirts (lucrative) and never trying to make mainstream, has come to embody my laziness.
2 - the Twitter stream on the side fails to show those are things I have re-tweeted. Someone else wrote those things and they made me laugh so I "re-tweeted" them. This is a general practice, mind you, and certainly not some kind of "tweet plagiarism."
I think that's it...enough about me, time for mildly racist jokes!
6:45 - There are only a few things I want from this draft. One, I would like Kemba to go no later than Sacramento, although one can imagine the chemistry between him and Tyreke Evans could be the worst thing since Kenny Anderson and anyone he played with.
Two, I would like Jimmer to NOT go to the Utah Jazz. The riots will be awesome. Every packed bar viewing party with their 3.2% alcohol beers will look like those Cleveland bars when LeBron made The Decision. I hope they pass on Jimmer at 12 in favor of some giant black dude (i'm looking at you, Kenneth Faried) who will spend the next handful of years savaging their Mormon women like Karl Malone did and then wearing Skechkers Shape Ups in retirement to pay his alimony.
7:15 - only 15 mins to go. I'm about to make dinner by reheating my Chinese food from last night. Funny tangent about that Chinese food: I played golf last night and had a decent shrimp and scallop picatta at MCC (it was too watery, was going to include mushrooms but they were thankfully out, had little lemon, too much white wine, little to no parsley OR capers, etc etc - this isn't the place to be Sam Sifton...). Regardless, it was filling.
I also got to MCC at about 2pm and left around 9:30pm. According to my phone, I ordered said Chinese food at 9:50something. I do not remember ordering or receiving it. I do remember that I woke up around 12:30am and looked to my left to see a still stapled together bag of Chinese food that I had presumably ordered.
I opened the bag, ate the shrimp/egg? roll and the wonton soup and put the rest of it in the fridge. I have no idea what I ordered, so I am now going to open my container and see what I lucked/fucked myself in to....
It's Chicken and Broccoli! WOOOOOOO! I ate General Tso's from this place on Saturday and it sucked. Please I did not repeat that mistake or get any other fried chicken products.
7:29 - LAST THOUGHT: Everyone is looking for Kemba to slide, but I think he pulls a Ben Gordon and goes three to Utah.
7:33 - David Stern to the podium and the usual heckling.
7:34 - Stern deadpanned, "It's a good crowd." Is he taking lessons from Colin Quinn? !?! I love Stern, except when the work stoppage begins shortly...
7:35 - Cleveland is on the clock, and the throw is to Stewart Scott's (joke redacted for cancer sympathy reasons) and his merry band of analysts. I saw the idea today on Twitter to drink whenever Jay Bilas says upside.
7:36 - The pick is in. Let's do this thing, Bilas!
7:37 - Kyrie Irving goes 1. I almost forgot about my favorite NBA Draft game: "What is the over/under for when the first player who has the same last name as his mother (and isn't from a foreign country, don't ruin this for me Mrs. Kanter...) gets drafted."
7:42 - Only a Kyrie Irving dad interview. So rare for a father to be in the picture that I have to assume the mother is either dead or has the last name Irving as well. There have been years when this game has lasted through the lottery. Without a mother interview, I have to assume the game is still alive. Sorry, Irving family.
7:45 - The Dedrick Irving interview felt like what Poppa Shuttlesworth would have said if HE GOT GAME had film of the draft.
7:46 - Derrick Williams can't wait to get high and underachieve with his mentor Michael Beasley!
7:47 - Bilas just said "...wingspan, sooo Bottoms Up, everybody." I fucking love Jay Bilas. Follow him at @JayBilas - great Bill Raftery jokes
7:51 - I like Kanter, it's hard to hate on him. I heard from Chad Ford, not personally but via a podcast with Bill Simmons), that Kanter's parents are like molecular biologists or curing AIDS or something like that. He will be good and dedicated at getting better every year. I really like him.
7:53 - Fraschilla just pointed out all kinds of stuff about Kanter, including his body fat percentage. Listen Fran, I know you are the foreign player expert, but you don't need to get so gay about it.
7:55 - And Kanter gets booed by fans after saying he supports Kentucky and seeing the pan to Calipari!
7:57 - P.S. This is not good for Kemba...
7:59 - Really, a Canadian? I mean, really?
8:01 - You know it's a weak draft when a guy who says "I'm not coming here for at least one more year" goes 5
8:05 - After interviewing three consecutive foreign born players, Mark Jones loses it and insults the English of Jonas Valaciousheehnesshensehs
8:07 - Supposedly he is really athletic for a white foreigner. Gotta like that for the Wiz.
8:09 - Mark Jones has another foreigner! Jonesy is heated.
8:10 - Oh, what do you know...Corey Maggette is getting traded again.
8:12 - Hey, NBA teams, BUY AMERICAN! Five straight foreigners.
8:20 - And it gets worse for Kemba....
8:22 - And it gets better for Kemba!!! Off to join MJ and the Bobcats. The chip on his shoulder will stay with him forever. Look for a great career outta this guy, got better ever yr at UCONN. I like Silas as a coach for him - not a great coach but a great guy I think.
8:25 - Andrea Walker is our winner of the "First Player Who Is Drafted and Has The Same Last Name as His Mother." I remember when my mother and I used to play this game in the mid 90's and it used to stretch into the 20's. America is obviously in a much better place now. Family First!
8:29 - And with the 10th pick the Milwaukee Bucks select Jimmer Fradette to replace Joe Alexander as their Great White Disappointment. Note: I ignored the Bucks traded this pick to the Kings because I wanted to make the Joe Alexander joke. I believe it was worth it.
8:39 - Knight goes 8, Kemba goes 9. Just don't understand why the Cavs didn't take Williams, or even Kanter, at 1 and waited for Kemba or Knight or at 4 instead of a bum who is tied in to playing in Europe for at least one more year. But, I guess that's why they are Cleveland. That City = Fail.
8:46 - I love Marc Jackson and will miss him announcing but I think he will be the Ozzie Guillen of the NBA so I'm psyched.
8:47 - Suns take Marquief Morris at 13. At this point anyone who doesn't take Kenneth Faried is an idiot. Kid is a beast.
8:56 - The Pacers are on the clock at 15 - Larry Bird wants to know, 'who is the best available white talent!?!?'
8:59 - Mrs. Morris sets the record for consecutive FPWIDAHTSLNAHM as her twin sons goes 13/14 to round out the lottery.
9:08 - How will the Knicks fuck this one up? I gotta think Faried is PERFECT for them...
9:10 - Spike Lee getting more airtime in the last 5 minutes than his movies have in the last 5 years.
9:11 - WHO? hahaha they picked a guy who isn't even in the building!!! bahahah. people said he was rising the last few days so i guess i get it but i gotta think this is just Walsh telling Dolan to go fuck himself.
9:13 - screw it, im done.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Courtside
Pretty excited to have courtside seats for tonight's UConn/Rutgers game. Hoping Jeremy Lamb has a big game so I can yell, 'I Love Lamb!' about 179 times.
I didn't sleep well last night thinking about the game, not because of my excitement, but out of fear. I would hate for something like this to happen:
I didn't sleep well last night thinking about the game, not because of my excitement, but out of fear. I would hate for something like this to happen:
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
I Can See It Coming...
UConn is going to get absolutely ripped up tonight (and not just cause Timmy Higgins is reffing the game), but that isn't the prediction here.
I predict Farmington's Finest, Tim Abromaitis, is going to have a huge game (and not just because of all the ProActiv scouts in the building to see the face-off, literally, between himself and Tyler Olander) for ND and it is going to lead to a stupid question about not recruiting him in Jimmy's postgame press conference.
This question might elicit a response like this:
"I've said it a thosan times.I fucked up by not taking Tim Abromaitis.It took 18 months to sell him to Notre Dame.It's been written about.I'm an idiot.I took Kemba Walker.I fucked up.Want me to say it?I fucked up."
I predict Farmington's Finest, Tim Abromaitis, is going to have a huge game (and not just because of all the ProActiv scouts in the building to see the face-off, literally, between himself and Tyler Olander) for ND and it is going to lead to a stupid question about not recruiting him in Jimmy's postgame press conference.
This question might elicit a response like this:
"I've said it a thosan times.I fucked up by not taking Tim Abromaitis.It took 18 months to sell him to Notre Dame.It's been written about.I'm an idiot.I took Kemba Walker.I fucked up.Want me to say it?I fucked up."
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Jeremy Hazell Shot Once In Robbery
Seton Hall guard Jeremy Hazell was shot once on Christmas during a robbery attempt. He is alive and
fine and all that, so let's get on to the jokes!
Possible headlines:
-Gunner gets gunned down
-Gunner gets his shot
-Hazell takes one shot, least shots ever taken
-On the court, only one shot would have killed him
-Bobby Gonzalez sought in attempted murder of Hazell
what, too soon?
fine and all that, so let's get on to the jokes!
Possible headlines:
-Gunner gets gunned down
-Gunner gets his shot
-Hazell takes one shot, least shots ever taken
-On the court, only one shot would have killed him
-Bobby Gonzalez sought in attempted murder of Hazell
what, too soon?
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Happy Birthday, Jesus
I'm probably going to hell, or die even earlier than anticipated, for this but Happy Birthday, Jesus!
Amazing trailer from an amazing film. The trailer captured many of the best scenes from the movie...
(in order of appearance)
1) - The baby Jesus getting worked out, at night, by Denzel.
2) - The governor wanted Jesus to go to "Big State" but only decided to play the Denzel card with "...the N.C. two A deadline a week away."
2a) - Big State. Really, Spike? I thought you were an all-time great filmmaker but you couldn't get the rights to anything so you settled on "Big State?" Really, Spike? Really? I mean, Come on...
3) - Ray: "What did I tell you about letting strangers in the house?!?"
Sister: "He's not a stranger, he's our father."
Ray: "I don't have a father!"
4) - Coach: "That's ten thousand dollars..."
Ray: "I don't need that money coach. (thinking to himself: Calipari gave Marcus Camby at least 26k and a harem of prostitutes and you're gonna offer me 10k with a straight face?!?! Fuck you, Whitey.) annnnnnd scene!
5 - The ankle monitor/arthritis scene. "Yeahhh, it's contagious."
6- Ray: "Jesus! Jesus! Why you name me that anyway?"
Denzel: "It's a biblical name."
Ray: "Yeah, no shit."
7 - It is, indeed, A Spike Lee Joint.
8 - The Coaches Montage, including Dean Smith and a Kansas Roy Williams. AWESOME!
Merry Chistmas
Amazing trailer from an amazing film. The trailer captured many of the best scenes from the movie...
(in order of appearance)
1) - The baby Jesus getting worked out, at night, by Denzel.
2) - The governor wanted Jesus to go to "Big State" but only decided to play the Denzel card with "...the N.C. two A deadline a week away."
2a) - Big State. Really, Spike? I thought you were an all-time great filmmaker but you couldn't get the rights to anything so you settled on "Big State?" Really, Spike? Really? I mean, Come on...
3) - Ray: "What did I tell you about letting strangers in the house?!?"
Sister: "He's not a stranger, he's our father."
Ray: "I don't have a father!"
4) - Coach: "That's ten thousand dollars..."
Ray: "I don't need that money coach. (thinking to himself: Calipari gave Marcus Camby at least 26k and a harem of prostitutes and you're gonna offer me 10k with a straight face?!?! Fuck you, Whitey.) annnnnnd scene!
5 - The ankle monitor/arthritis scene. "Yeahhh, it's contagious."
6- Ray: "Jesus! Jesus! Why you name me that anyway?"
Denzel: "It's a biblical name."
Ray: "Yeah, no shit."
7 - It is, indeed, A Spike Lee Joint.
8 - The Coaches Montage, including Dean Smith and a Kansas Roy Williams. AWESOME!
Merry Chistmas
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Unveiling the NEW Brick Tamland "I Love Lamb" T-Shirt
No one knows what they love about life more than Brick Tamland. He loves carpet, he loves desk, he loves lamp. But more than anything, he loves Jeremy Lamb. Tuesday, November 30, 2010
The "Holy Shit This Game Is Still Close I Better Get Some Scotch And Make This a Live Blog" Live Blog
10:40: 44-41
Tyler Olander beasts it (strong from all that cow tipping, a Mansfield pastime!) to take a 5 pt lead. I realized something about Olander earlier in this game, which I will get to after this rushed live blog.
10:06, 46-41
Roscoe Smith with a vicious swat into the 10th (ish) section. Crowd going crazy, perhaps I just effectively reverse jinxed UConn by starting this blog...
9:50, 46-41
A terrible charge call on Beverly draws the ire of Calhoun. I used to get sad when Beverly got taken out, but now it means Shabazz Napier Time!!!!
9:20
UNH makes a corner 3. Pesky (catamounts, black bears...what are kind of northern mascot are you people??) UNH makes it 46-45
8:51, 49-45
Napier with the And-1 to widen the UConn lead. Great defense on the way back, as well. I love this kid! 8 pts on the night
8:24, 49-48
STOP MAKING THREES!
8:05
Unless, of course, you are Shabazz Napier! A fearless three extends the UConn lead to 52-48. Napier is earning the italics I wrote his name in upon entering the game. 11 for him, 22 for Kemba, 19 for the rest of these mopes...
7:30, 52-48
Napier turns the ball over but had a UNH defender jumping at his pump fake from 25 feet. Get used to seeing a lot of that. This kid has some Rashad Anderson Fish Fry (TM) in him.
7:18
Hard foul on a Giffey breakaway. Camera flashes to first shot I've ever seen of German flag in the Student Section or any section of a UConn game for that matter. I'm speechless. Giffey goes 1-2, 53-48
5:18
End of Love Fest...TERRIBLE clear out three at the end of shotclock by Napier. Calhoun better get him the fuck outta there.
4:53
Really, Jimmy? Leaving him in here, ey? I guess this move speaks to how well Napier defends cause the way he ran that set was inexcusable. Somewhere Curtis Kelley is yelling at the TV (and probably Frank Martin as well) asking how Napier didn't get pulled. And somewhere else Scotty Harrelson and his amputated legs/knee replacements/tendonitis are screaming the same thing.
4:42
Two clanked free throws by UNH, after Napier's three started the fastbreak for them, leads to Kemba weaving through the lane for a layup and a 7 point lead. THANK GOD FOR KEMBA WALKER.
3:05
Two free throws by Kemba makes it 57-48. I know it's only UNH, but is there anyone in the nation who is going to be able to defend Kemba's speed/handle? I don't think so
2:17, 57-50
Kemba steals the postgame award for "Best Way to Kill a Crucial Possession" from Napier. Take that, Freshman! Meanwhile, Napier is writhing in pain after crashing into the bench while chasing Kemba's long rebound. Great...
1:05
He's more than just the Best Point Guard in College Basketball, he's also a teacher...Kemba yells at Roscoe Smith before the UNH inbounds "think, think, use your head!"
1:00, 58-53
UNH makes a long three just as the game looks in hand. Of course they do..
0:43
UConn is 19-24 from the line. They are winning games this year because of how well they are shooting from the line. More on this later in the week...
0:28
Kemba strokes in another FT for his 30th point of the night.
Final: UConn 62, UNH 55
Good night and god bless
Tyler Olander beasts it (strong from all that cow tipping, a Mansfield pastime!) to take a 5 pt lead. I realized something about Olander earlier in this game, which I will get to after this rushed live blog.
10:06, 46-41
Roscoe Smith with a vicious swat into the 10th (ish) section. Crowd going crazy, perhaps I just effectively reverse jinxed UConn by starting this blog...
9:50, 46-41
A terrible charge call on Beverly draws the ire of Calhoun. I used to get sad when Beverly got taken out, but now it means Shabazz Napier Time!!!!
9:20
UNH makes a corner 3. Pesky (catamounts, black bears...what are kind of northern mascot are you people??) UNH makes it 46-45
8:51, 49-45
Napier with the And-1 to widen the UConn lead. Great defense on the way back, as well. I love this kid! 8 pts on the night
8:24, 49-48
STOP MAKING THREES!
8:05
Unless, of course, you are Shabazz Napier! A fearless three extends the UConn lead to 52-48. Napier is earning the italics I wrote his name in upon entering the game. 11 for him, 22 for Kemba, 19 for the rest of these mopes...
7:30, 52-48
Napier turns the ball over but had a UNH defender jumping at his pump fake from 25 feet. Get used to seeing a lot of that. This kid has some Rashad Anderson Fish Fry (TM) in him.
7:18
Hard foul on a Giffey breakaway. Camera flashes to first shot I've ever seen of German flag in the Student Section or any section of a UConn game for that matter. I'm speechless. Giffey goes 1-2, 53-48
5:18
End of Love Fest...TERRIBLE clear out three at the end of shotclock by Napier. Calhoun better get him the fuck outta there.
4:53
Really, Jimmy? Leaving him in here, ey? I guess this move speaks to how well Napier defends cause the way he ran that set was inexcusable. Somewhere Curtis Kelley is yelling at the TV (and probably Frank Martin as well) asking how Napier didn't get pulled. And somewhere else Scotty Harrelson and his amputated legs/knee replacements/tendonitis are screaming the same thing.
4:42
Two clanked free throws by UNH, after Napier's three started the fastbreak for them, leads to Kemba weaving through the lane for a layup and a 7 point lead. THANK GOD FOR KEMBA WALKER.
3:05
Two free throws by Kemba makes it 57-48. I know it's only UNH, but is there anyone in the nation who is going to be able to defend Kemba's speed/handle? I don't think so
2:17, 57-50
Kemba steals the postgame award for "Best Way to Kill a Crucial Possession" from Napier. Take that, Freshman! Meanwhile, Napier is writhing in pain after crashing into the bench while chasing Kemba's long rebound. Great...
1:05
He's more than just the Best Point Guard in College Basketball, he's also a teacher...Kemba yells at Roscoe Smith before the UNH inbounds "think, think, use your head!"
1:00, 58-53
UNH makes a long three just as the game looks in hand. Of course they do..
0:43
UConn is 19-24 from the line. They are winning games this year because of how well they are shooting from the line. More on this later in the week...
0:28
Kemba strokes in another FT for his 30th point of the night.
Final: UConn 62, UNH 55
Good night and god bless
Sunday, November 28, 2010
I'm on a Boat, motherfucker!
UConn recruit Ryan Boatright puts up a fancy 55-10-10 over the holiday weekend.
http://www.maxpreps.com/news/13MuCfpMEd-XkQAcxJSkrA/uconn-bound-ryan-boatright-scores-55,-duke-signee-austin-rivers-goes-for-46.htm
(via Mike Anthony, courant.com)
I know what you're thinking...Todd didn't really do anything here because he simply took the link from Mike Anthony's blog. However, I did do something which Anthony cannot...I got to make an enjoyable play on Boatwright's name in my Headline and include the word 'motherfucker.'
http://www.maxpreps.com/news/13MuCfpMEd-XkQAcxJSkrA/uconn-bound-ryan-boatright-scores-55,-duke-signee-austin-rivers-goes-for-46.htm
(via Mike Anthony, courant.com)
I know what you're thinking...Todd didn't really do anything here because he simply took the link from Mike Anthony's blog. However, I did do something which Anthony cannot...I got to make an enjoyable play on Boatwright's name in my Headline and include the word 'motherfucker.'
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Early Impressions
What I think of a few UConn players so far this year...
Neils Giffey -
Woah, woah, woah..he's white? I guess just cause his last name sounded like Ken Griffey's I figured he was black. I should have given a little more weight to Giffey being from Germany. Anyway, he's no star but he's shown he is a scraper and if he gets his shot down he could be a real threat. Expect Giffey to go by "The CT Nowitzki" in no time. OR he could be Ben Eaves 2.0...
Tyler Olander -
While were on the topic of goofy white fellas, let's get to The Pride of Storrs, CT...Tyler Olander. Sure I'm startled by his initials being T.O., but I like him and moreover no kid from Storrs has gotten as much playing time as Olander since the Jeff Calhoun era. Think he's getting TV time now? Just wait til he starts doing ProActiv commercials...
Shabazz Napier -
Did I spell that right? Anyway, I look forward to a lot of this kid. He has star quality and probably also has every pussy in the greater Mansfield area just dripping wet. Good for you, Shabazz...
Kenna Walker -
I'm sorry, who are you and where did this fellow who has taken over your body come from??
Jeremy Lamb -
"I Love Lamb!" t-shirts with the face of Brick Tamland coming soon. Pre-order at uconn77duke74@gmail.com.
Roscoe Smith -
Thus far you are a disappointment to me. Ever notice Jimmy C's best players aren't his McDonalds All-Americans? The Okafors, Butlers, and Gordons of the world weren't hotly recruited but Jimmy made them, and many others, into top NBA draft picks. Roscoe...you sir, have work to do.
Alex Oriakhi - He is one of a few things... 1) Kevin Freeman with more size/athleticism. 2) a literate Johnnie Selvie. 3) Jeff Adrien with coordination.
I am rooting for #1, however, none of those are an insult.
Neils Giffey -
Woah, woah, woah..he's white? I guess just cause his last name sounded like Ken Griffey's I figured he was black. I should have given a little more weight to Giffey being from Germany. Anyway, he's no star but he's shown he is a scraper and if he gets his shot down he could be a real threat. Expect Giffey to go by "The CT Nowitzki" in no time. OR he could be Ben Eaves 2.0...
Tyler Olander -
While were on the topic of goofy white fellas, let's get to The Pride of Storrs, CT...Tyler Olander. Sure I'm startled by his initials being T.O., but I like him and moreover no kid from Storrs has gotten as much playing time as Olander since the Jeff Calhoun era. Think he's getting TV time now? Just wait til he starts doing ProActiv commercials...
Shabazz Napier -
Did I spell that right? Anyway, I look forward to a lot of this kid. He has star quality and probably also has every pussy in the greater Mansfield area just dripping wet. Good for you, Shabazz...
Kenna Walker -
I'm sorry, who are you and where did this fellow who has taken over your body come from??
Jeremy Lamb -
"I Love Lamb!" t-shirts with the face of Brick Tamland coming soon. Pre-order at uconn77duke74@gmail.com.
Roscoe Smith -
Thus far you are a disappointment to me. Ever notice Jimmy C's best players aren't his McDonalds All-Americans? The Okafors, Butlers, and Gordons of the world weren't hotly recruited but Jimmy made them, and many others, into top NBA draft picks. Roscoe...you sir, have work to do.
Alex Oriakhi - He is one of a few things... 1) Kevin Freeman with more size/athleticism. 2) a literate Johnnie Selvie. 3) Jeff Adrien with coordination.
I am rooting for #1, however, none of those are an insult.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Where was this two months ago?
Georgetown's Austin Freeman has been diagnosed with diabetes. Normally I wouldn't make fun of something like this (yes I would), but Freeman dropped 28 on UConn in the second half of that dick-punch rally game at Gtown this year...so fuck'em.
I think this video will help Austin better understand the disease he has to live with.
I think this video will help Austin better understand the disease he has to live with.
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