Quatro's T-Shirt Time!

First off, I want to apologize for the lack of new tshirts on the site. Once we lost the URL back in the dark days of 2010, I went into a funk like Owen Wilson in Wedding Crashers. But now that we have the original URL back, and with CRISP now belly up, I've been inspired to unveil the new line of 2012 blogspot t's!

Our 2012 t-shirts generally fall into one of three categories:

Current Player T-Shirts: You may be awesome and do something great to deserve it (see upcoming Jeremy Lamb & Ryan Boatright t’s). You may never play/ride pine all year and will need a haha as a pick me up (see the upcoming Enosch Wolf ‘One Man Wolfpack’ shirt). You may have a last name that rhymes with a pretty disgusting sexual act and therefore deserve a t-shirt to honor it. Pretty much if you deserve it, you’re getting a t-shirt. Except you Kyle Bailey!

Former Player T-Shirts: Unlike the current player t’s, where pretty much anyone can get a shirt, the former player must have a reason to be remembered in immortality among the 6.5 readers of the blogspot (yes that was a thinly veiled shot at your height Bottaro, but speaking of half people congrats to you and the wifey on the expected child next June!!). Kemba Walker winning a title guarantees him a Star Wars “Kemba Sky Walker” t-shirt on the site forever. Even though the “Send it in Jerome” Bill Raftery/Jerome Dyson shirt was good in it’s time, he represents someone who is completely undeserving; therefore, it gets pulled down from the site. You get the idea, and can definitely expect a Ray Allen "Jesus is My Homeboy" shirt in the near future.

'Did He Just Go There?' T-Shirts: This is where we see if “It’s About The D*ck” or “Bernie That’s Not Fine” crosses the line. Do people get offended by a "Don't Touch My Happy Valley" shirt? Find out here!

Out first shirt of the collection honors Jeremy Lamb's amazing rise in the 2011 NCAA tournament and was inspired by the movie Anchorman. Enjoy! (and email for ordering and sizing information)

Ryan Boatwright

After missing the first six games, Ryan Boatwright has really come on strong for the Huskies.

There was a nice article on Boatwright in the Courant today.

Add these glowing words from Calhoun after the Arkansas game:
"Ryan [Boatright] was pretty special. He has those Allen Iverson kind of things where his athletic ability just allows him to do some pretty special things that you don't normally see. He does some special things. Secondly, he's not afraid. That's one of the big issues for all athletes to never have any fear. I don't think fears making a mistake. Obviously I love that kind of player."

...and it all gives me a great reason to post this excellent high school mixtape:

Jim Boeheim Has a Short Fuse

Does this look like the reaction of a man who would have tolerated his assistant coach molesting little boys?

We Got Him!

Super excited to have Bobby Valentine aboard as the new Sox coach. At least this year when we meltdown it will be entertaining...

Way to Schedule, Coach

Funny, you hear Dicky V scream a lot about "cupcakes" and you hear him scream a lot about Coach K, but you never hear him scream about both in the same breath.

Perhaps he should, because according to ESPN, tonight is only the fifth time under Coach K that Duke will play a true road game against a non-conference opponent ranked in the Top 5.

All of a sudden I'm not so sure it was a good idea to take the other side of Bucky Ruder in this game...

Bullshit!

How dare Jim Boeheim drag Jim Calhoun into Syracuse's "Watch it or I'll suck your cock" program!?!?!

This quote, from a source, "He's not going to resign," said the source. "He's like (UConn's Jim) Calhoun -- old warriors. He'll get through this."

No - Jim Boeheim is nothing like Jim Calhoun (other than the cancer part). You can try to drag Jim Calhoun's name through the mud for a lot of reasons, but at least when someone associated with his program decides to become a pedophile they have left the program and started working for the state.

Then again, we don't know what comes in those shipping containers (probably hookers like in The Wire) that arrive at Ruslan Inyatkin's metal factory. Cause that's normal, a Russian basketball player comes to America and then ends up running a huge metal refractory...

Weekend Linkfest

Its been a crazy week in college basketball and not just for people named Fine. Here's a stab at rounding up links to some of the biggest headlines:

Rebel Yell - UNLV, lead by a guy named Oscar and a guy named Chace, knocks off #1 UNC by 10.

Early season losses happen, the bigger concern for UNC fans should be Harrison Barnes leaving the arena on crutches after rolling his ankle. It doesn't sound serious. Too bad, would be karma for faking an injury this summer (only UNC kids would play pickup on a tennis court. Duke kids play pickup on lax fields).

The excellent Andy Katz with his "Impressions after two weeks of covering games."

Grantland has been a pleasantly surprising website. Obviously, we love them going after Duke. Here is Sebastian Pruiti's "The Problems With Austin Rivers."

Staying on the Grantland theme, here is Chuck Klosterman's "The 50 Greatest College Basketball Players of All Time." It was written in the beginning of the November, but it's still a great read.

Written before the Battle 4 Atlantis, ESPNs John Gassaway makes a case for UConn as the top team in the country.

It's much easier to read him than listen to him - Dick Vitale with an interesting, albeit brief, overview of the top transfers in the country. I didn't realize Prince/Mike Rosario had transferred from Rutgers to Florida. Nicely played, sir.

Farmington's Finest, Tim Abromaitis, is out for the season with a torn ACL. That's what you get, Notre Dame, for holding UConn hostage from joining the ACC. The good news is this will keep Calhoun from having a Ryan Gomes-esque meltdown after Timmy would have lit UConn up again.

Bernie Fine Roundup
Friday: His house gets raided. Happy Thanksgiving!

Sunday: A third accuser

Sunday: Bernie's wife blows his spot up

Eskimo Brothers

Lot of stuff going on in this Syracuse/Bernie Fine thing. You can read new stuff here about the audio recording between Bobby Davis and Bernie's wife.



Here are my favorites from the tapes:

Fine: But you never had oral sex with him?
Davis: No
Fine: No
Davis: He, he...I think he would want to, but...
Fine: Oh, of course, he would! Why wouldn't he?

Why wouldn't he?!?! That was her reaction. Amazing. I am without words.

Gem #2
Davis: It's not about the money.
Fine: It's about the dick. I know that...

WOWWWW - it's. about. the dick. It was also about the dick for Laurie Fine and Bobby Davis cause Bobby Davis hooked up with Bernie's wife when he was 18. So, Bernie Fine and Bobby Davis are Eskimo Brothers.

The irony here is Laurie Fine says Bernie Fine wouldn't fuck her, but, in the end, Laurie did a real good job of fucking Bernie.

Maui Wowie, One year later

Here's a look back at UConn after Maui last year. Hopefully the Dukies are not their successor as tourney champs

Deleted Scenes from ESPN/Calpari Interview

John Calpari visited ESPN in the last couple of days to do an interview about how he always gets great recruits and then fails to win National Championships. Or something like that...

Anyway, I was unable to embed the video of the interview, so I decided to provide you with the transcript:

Anchor: University of Kentucky Coach John Calipari, welcome to SportsCenter.

Calipari: Thanks. Where is Hannah Storm? I wore extra gel in my hair to impress her.

Anchor: Did you also fly in on that UK jet to impress her?

Calipari: No, I fly in that to impress EVERYONE. Especially recruits.

Anchor: That's a nice segway, Coach. Let's talk about your recruits. Once again you have the top recruiting class and possibly the top recruit in the country. How do you do it year in and year out?

Calipari: Well, you know, my methods have changed over the years. Back in the day, Marcus Camby was my marquee recruit and I made sure Marcus had boosters giving him 40k, cars, prostitutes...whatever it took.

People think this was so difficult for Marcus, but I was the one who truly suffered. You see, because I overpaid Marcus for so long and it worked so well, once I went to the NBA I thought I had to continue overpaying players like Antoine Walker, Kenny Anderson, and other guys who don't have money left anymore.

Anchor: Were you able to learn from your mistakes with Marcus when you returned to college basketball at Memphis?

Calipari: Absolutely. Instead of paying players, I started using new recruiting methods. For example, I didn't pay DaJuan Wagner to play at Memphis, but a few days after DaJuan signed I hired his father to be the Coordinator or Basketball Operations.

Anchor: That's right...didn't some people have a problem with that?

Calipari: The people who had the biggest problem with it were those at Memphis. I mean, can you imagine working your ass off to advance within the Memphis Athletic Department, probably getting a Master's degree, and then this guy comes in? Hahahaha it was so funny to see the faces of the people Milt Wagner leapfrogged....

Anchor: Isn't it true that Milt Wagner did not even have a college degree when you hired him in 2001?

Calipari: That is true, but he took classes and completed his degree in 2004. I look at it this way - I don't care if any of my players get an education so why should I care if my Coordinator of Basketball Operations doesn't have one? That would be hypocritical.

Milt was a role model for the kids. With Milt around the program the kids had a father figure where they could look at him and say, 'You know what, I may not be good enough to play pro ball, but if my son is really good then perhaps I can whore him out in exchange for stable employment.'

Anchor: You make a good point, Coach. By the way, what happened to DaJuan Wagner? I believe he was the #1 recruit that year.

Calipari: He got HIV/AIDS

Anchor: Wow. Um, any other examples?

Calipari: Of course! How long do you have? Next there was Tyreke Evans. Tyreke was a huge prospect and clearly would be a "one and done" player. As such, he needed to stay in shape, so I hired his childhood trainer as one of my administrative assistants.

Anchor: I'm confused. Why would you hire the trainer to be an administrative assistant and not as a trainer?

Calipari: Don't ask stupid questions, not Scott Van Pelt. I love that guy. Anyways, next was Derrick Rose. Derrick was not so, how do you say, smart. I will give him credit though, he was smart enough to know he wouldn't pass the SAT and had someone else take it for him. The great thing about academic fraud is it takes a long time to investigate, so Derrick was able to play for our Final Four team and help us to 38 wins. Overall, it was a great year. Derrick's brother even got to travel with the team all season on that fancy jet we talked about earlier.

Anchor: I'm confused again. My notes say you have only one Final Four appearance and that it was last year in a loss to UConn.

Calipari: Well, I have been to the Final Four a few times but those performances have always later been invalidated. So I guess I am like a ghost.

While we talk about academic fraud, how 'bout that Laurinburg Institute? We got two great program players from there, Joey Dorsey and Robert Dozier. Unfortunately, this place kind of "jumped the shark" and now we can't get any players out of there.

Anchor: Why can't you get players from there anymore? Is it because there are more schools looking at these players?

Calipari: No. They were accused of being a diploma mill and the NCAA later declared them "unfit as an institution." The NCAA will no longer accept any credits from Laurinburg.

Anchor: Well, Coach, it sounds like you have "jumped the shark" and "massive fraud" confused...

Calipari: Potayto, Potahto. Agree to disagree...

Anchor: Coach, will all of your success at the college level, do you every think about making another run at the pros?

Calipari: My closest tie to the pro game at this point are my players who are in the league and, of course, LeBron's best friend who I hired to be a Grad Assistant. I think having LeBron on campus, err, I mean, Brandon Weems, will be a boost to recruiting.

Anchor: I bet it will, Coach. Thanks for your time.

Syracuse Plot Thickens

Here is the story from this afternoon's Outside The Lines about the Bernie Fine molestation charges:



What I wrote last week about this being fishy doesn't hold as much water now that we find out the Syracuse Police are telling the District Attorney to take his subpoena and fuck off.

When the DA's son was reached for comment on why his father should receive the files being subpoenaed, he simply said it was because, "His father is the District Attorney!

Chris Berman talks about Bernie Fine

As a Worldwide Leader in our own right, we have moles planted inside ESPN at all times. Our reports indicate this is a sampling of nicknames Chris Berman is working on for a Syracuse basketball game later this year...

Bernie "He finds little boys butts oh so" Fine

Bernie "Don't worry, if I touch you here it's" Fine

Bernie "It's not true, you heard it through the grape" Fine

Bernie "So I molested him, I guess I deserve a" Fine


and on, and on, and on...

The Archive 1.0

After a long brainstorming session with my fellow editors we feel we have come up with a plan which will provide everyone with great content all season long. We will post sporadically this week and ramp up to full time starting on Sunday. In the meantime, here is a long lost clip which will be part of one of our many new series. From "The Archive 1.0" please enjoy Khalid El-Amin down 4 with 9 seconds left and racial epithets, among a range of offenses, being rained upon him.

Kemba's Big Night: 2011 Draft Live Blog

Well, it's been about half a year since the last post so allow me to start with a little housekeeping:

1 - I forgot to renew the www.uconn77duke74.com domain name, so now you have to type in www.uconn77duke74.blogspot.com to get here. Some guy bought it and is trying to sell it back to me. His name is Bill West. Bill, if you're reading this, I am not paying you. No one reads it and I refuse to pay for something which, by never producing the t-shirts (lucrative) and never trying to make mainstream, has come to embody my laziness.

2 - the Twitter stream on the side fails to show those are things I have re-tweeted. Someone else wrote those things and they made me laugh so I "re-tweeted" them. This is a general practice, mind you, and certainly not some kind of "tweet plagiarism."

I think that's it...enough about me, time for mildly racist jokes!

6:45 - There are only a few things I want from this draft. One, I would like Kemba to go no later than Sacramento, although one can imagine the chemistry between him and Tyreke Evans could be the worst thing since Kenny Anderson and anyone he played with.

Two, I would like Jimmer to NOT go to the Utah Jazz. The riots will be awesome. Every packed bar viewing party with their 3.2% alcohol beers will look like those Cleveland bars when LeBron made The Decision. I hope they pass on Jimmer at 12 in favor of some giant black dude (i'm looking at you, Kenneth Faried) who will spend the next handful of years savaging their Mormon women like Karl Malone did and then wearing Skechkers Shape Ups in retirement to pay his alimony.

7:15 - only 15 mins to go. I'm about to make dinner by reheating my Chinese food from last night. Funny tangent about that Chinese food: I played golf last night and had a decent shrimp and scallop picatta at MCC (it was too watery, was going to include mushrooms but they were thankfully out, had little lemon, too much white wine, little to no parsley OR capers, etc etc - this isn't the place to be Sam Sifton...). Regardless, it was filling.

I also got to MCC at about 2pm and left around 9:30pm. According to my phone, I ordered said Chinese food at 9:50something. I do not remember ordering or receiving it. I do remember that I woke up around 12:30am and looked to my left to see a still stapled together bag of Chinese food that I had presumably ordered.

I opened the bag, ate the shrimp/egg? roll and the wonton soup and put the rest of it in the fridge. I have no idea what I ordered, so I am now going to open my container and see what I lucked/fucked myself in to....

It's Chicken and Broccoli! WOOOOOOO! I ate General Tso's from this place on Saturday and it sucked. Please I did not repeat that mistake or get any other fried chicken products.

7:29 - LAST THOUGHT: Everyone is looking for Kemba to slide, but I think he pulls a Ben Gordon and goes three to Utah.

7:33 - David Stern to the podium and the usual heckling.

7:34 - Stern deadpanned, "It's a good crowd." Is he taking lessons from Colin Quinn? !?! I love Stern, except when the work stoppage begins shortly...

7:35 - Cleveland is on the clock, and the throw is to Stewart Scott's (joke redacted for cancer sympathy reasons) and his merry band of analysts. I saw the idea today on Twitter to drink whenever Jay Bilas says upside.

7:36 - The pick is in. Let's do this thing, Bilas!

7:37 - Kyrie Irving goes 1. I almost forgot about my favorite NBA Draft game: "What is the over/under for when the first player who has the same last name as his mother (and isn't from a foreign country, don't ruin this for me Mrs. Kanter...) gets drafted."

7:42 - Only a Kyrie Irving dad interview. So rare for a father to be in the picture that I have to assume the mother is either dead or has the last name Irving as well. There have been years when this game has lasted through the lottery. Without a mother interview, I have to assume the game is still alive. Sorry, Irving family.

7:45 - The Dedrick Irving interview felt like what Poppa Shuttlesworth would have said if HE GOT GAME had film of the draft.

7:46 - Derrick Williams can't wait to get high and underachieve with his mentor Michael Beasley!

7:47 - Bilas just said "...wingspan, sooo Bottoms Up, everybody." I fucking love Jay Bilas. Follow him at @JayBilas - great Bill Raftery jokes

7:51 - I like Kanter, it's hard to hate on him. I heard from Chad Ford, not personally but via a podcast with Bill Simmons), that Kanter's parents are like molecular biologists or curing AIDS or something like that. He will be good and dedicated at getting better every year. I really like him.

7:53 - Fraschilla just pointed out all kinds of stuff about Kanter, including his body fat percentage. Listen Fran, I know you are the foreign player expert, but you don't need to get so gay about it.

7:55 - And Kanter gets booed by fans after saying he supports Kentucky and seeing the pan to Calipari!

7:57 - P.S. This is not good for Kemba...

7:59 - Really, a Canadian? I mean, really?

8:01 - You know it's a weak draft when a guy who says "I'm not coming here for at least one more year" goes 5

8:05 - After interviewing three consecutive foreign born players, Mark Jones loses it and insults the English of Jonas Valaciousheehnesshensehs

8:07 - Supposedly he is really athletic for a white foreigner. Gotta like that for the Wiz.

8:09 - Mark Jones has another foreigner! Jonesy is heated.

8:10 - Oh, what do you know...Corey Maggette is getting traded again.

8:12 - Hey, NBA teams, BUY AMERICAN! Five straight foreigners.

8:20 - And it gets worse for Kemba....

8:22 - And it gets better for Kemba!!! Off to join MJ and the Bobcats. The chip on his shoulder will stay with him forever. Look for a great career outta this guy, got better ever yr at UCONN. I like Silas as a coach for him - not a great coach but a great guy I think.

8:25 - Andrea Walker is our winner of the "First Player Who Is Drafted and Has The Same Last Name as His Mother." I remember when my mother and I used to play this game in the mid 90's and it used to stretch into the 20's. America is obviously in a much better place now. Family First!

8:29 - And with the 10th pick the Milwaukee Bucks select Jimmer Fradette to replace Joe Alexander as their Great White Disappointment. Note: I ignored the Bucks traded this pick to the Kings because I wanted to make the Joe Alexander joke. I believe it was worth it.

8:39 - Knight goes 8, Kemba goes 9. Just don't understand why the Cavs didn't take Williams, or even Kanter, at 1 and waited for Kemba or Knight or at 4 instead of a bum who is tied in to playing in Europe for at least one more year. But, I guess that's why they are Cleveland. That City = Fail.

8:46 - I love Marc Jackson and will miss him announcing but I think he will be the Ozzie Guillen of the NBA so I'm psyched.

8:47 - Suns take Marquief Morris at 13. At this point anyone who doesn't take Kenneth Faried is an idiot. Kid is a beast.

8:56 - The Pacers are on the clock at 15 - Larry Bird wants to know, 'who is the best available white talent!?!?'

8:59 - Mrs. Morris sets the record for consecutive FPWIDAHTSLNAHM as her twin sons goes 13/14 to round out the lottery.

9:08 - How will the Knicks fuck this one up? I gotta think Faried is PERFECT for them...

9:10 - Spike Lee getting more airtime in the last 5 minutes than his movies have in the last 5 years.

9:11 - WHO? hahaha they picked a guy who isn't even in the building!!! bahahah. people said he was rising the last few days so i guess i get it but i gotta think this is just Walsh telling Dolan to go fuck himself.

9:13 - screw it, im done.

Courtside

Pretty excited to have courtside seats for tonight's UConn/Rutgers game. Hoping Jeremy Lamb has a big game so I can yell, 'I Love Lamb!' about 179 times.

I didn't sleep well last night thinking about the game, not because of my excitement, but out of fear. I would hate for something like this to happen:

I Can See It Coming...

UConn is going to get absolutely ripped up tonight (and not just cause Timmy Higgins is reffing the game), but that isn't the prediction here.

I predict Farmington's Finest, Tim Abromaitis, is going to have a huge game (and not just because of all the ProActiv scouts in the building to see the face-off, literally, between himself and Tyler Olander) for ND and it is going to lead to a stupid question about not recruiting him in Jimmy's postgame press conference.

This question might elicit a response like this:

"I've said it a thosan times.I fucked up by not taking Tim Abromaitis.It took 18 months to sell him to Notre Dame.It's been written about.I'm an idiot.I took Kemba Walker.I fucked up.Want me to say it?I fucked up."