Hey Norm Roberts, You Can Have Doug Wiggins Now

For the second edition of Facebook updates we go to UMass, and some community service time, with Doug Wiggins. Unlike Mandeldove, who doesn't put out a lot of gold, Wiggins is full of unintentional comedy. There's some great stuff on the cutting room floor of this column.

Dec. 20th
-Doug bored as fuck at Umass!! BUM ASS SNOWSTORM...cant wait to get back to da hood..Wordd. 12:19pm
Doug doesn't like snow? I always figured he was a big snowboarder...
Dec. 22nd
-Doug is tired of bein alone..cant wait to get back to CT tomorrow...till then gettin saucy n flyin w my boy..owww. 8:12pm
Dec. 24th
-Doug fuckk diss. 9:02pm
Dec. 30th
-Doug worse year of my life is finally comin to an end..2010 everything brand new..hope yall ready!! 1:31pm
2010!?! Doug has a time machine! If only he could get it to travel backwards...
Jan. 10th
-Doug says its a BLACK CLOUD over da hood...U CANT ESCAPE IT! 1:36pm That's weed smoke Doug, you should be familiar with it
Jan. 14th
-Doug Is laughin at u haters!! mad cuz yall aint got what i got...FucK bOYzz. 3:09pm
it's true, haters, yall just mad cuz u aint got pending breaking and entering charges
Jan. 17th
-Doug Makes to many mistakes and has too many regrets! tryin to eliminate or decrease the number of both for da 09! 11:19pm
he had second thoughts on that one mid-sentence! "eliminate or decrease" hahaha. at least Doug Wiggins knows himself well
Jan. 18th
-Doug Wavyy is a languooo!!! 8:45pm
Languooo? -sounds like a terribly racist word. I'm gonna start using that!
Jan. 19th
-Doug Is celebratin MLK Day and our 1st BLACK PRES!! Owww. 5:45pm
I don't think Obama advocates spending a Monday smoking blunts and drinking cognac...
Jan. 20th
-Doug Jan 26 starts a new leaf! 12:29am
Yeah, a Garcia Vega leaf
Jan. 21st
-Doug THey lOvE yOu whEn U On top...tHEN theY dRoP u WhEN u ToUCh ROCKBOTTOM...~Real ALWAYS Recognize Real~. 7:04am
(word son)
Jan. 25th
-Doug 21st Bornday tomorrow...the official WAVE DAY! 5:13pm
(this could be my whiteness, but what is wave day?)
Jan. 27th
-Doug Is makin shit happen! 11:25am
Feb. 6th
-Doug is getting his shit str8 right now...lookin at life in a diff perspective. 8:21am
-Doug thinks half of yall couldn't walk a hour in my Nikes...lookin at life from a different perspective!
It's true. As a short person Doug has very small feet. It would indeed be difficult for, as he estimates, about half the population to walk a mile in his Nike's
Feb. 7th
-Doug got a new jack..if i fucks w u then send me ya number please.. 12:20pm (Douglas has a new "cell phone" and if you "have any dealings with him" you should send him your #. Babelfish might be a little off though.)