Kevin Pittsnogle, The Height of Unintentional Comedy

*For the record: We had this story up like 5 hours before Barstool.
(From the New York Times)
Lure of Pro Ball Still Tugs at Pittsnogle
By JOHN BRANCH
Published: January 15, 2009
MARTINSBURG, W.Va. — There is a middle school up the hill from the McDonald’s here, and behind it are several classroom trailers, the type that are added when space gets tight and are never taken away(We're looking at you, Manchester High).

Kevin Pittsnogle has put aside his basketball career for a chance to help a high school team as an assistant coach and teach special education students in his hometown, Martinsburg, W.Va.

Inside one of the trailers last Friday stood a tall man with a familiar face. He wore a Bugs Bunny tie and a gray dress shirt with sleeves rolled to the elbows. Tattoos spilled to his wrists. He spoke kindly to two of his special education students, who called him Mr. Pittsnogle.

Less than three years ago, Pittsnogle was an all-American senior averaging 19.3 points who led West Virginia to the 2006 regional semifinals. He expected to be chosen in the N.B.A draft. He was not.

Now, at 24, he is a middle school teacher in his hometown. He is also an unpaid assistant coach for a high school basketball team. He bowls in leagues three nights a week and occasionally plays bingo at Big Bucks Bingo. His wife, Heather, is a bank teller. They have two children and live in a double-wide trailer, and together they wonder how much appetite they have for uprooting their lives again so Pittsnogle can have one more chance at a basketball career.

In two years he played for nine teams, in the Continental Basketball Association, the N.B.A.’s development league, the N.B.A.’s summer leagues, in France and in Puerto Rico.

As a player, Pittsnogle is a pure shooter whose body does not match his skills. Kelvin Sampson, then the coach at Oklahoma, once called him a “two-guard who grew to 6-11.” After college, Pittsnogle’s weight grew, too, by about 40 pounds, to 300.

“I kept hearing, ‘You’re overweight,’ ” Pittsnogle said. “ ‘You can average 20 points a game, but we’re not going to bring you up until you lose some weight.’ ”

Medication has helped him lose 25 pounds and re-energize his playing hopes. He is pondering N.B.A. summer leagues, one last time.

“I’m open to anything,” Heather Pittsnogle said (i bet you are, Heather, I bet you are...), holding 8-month-old Amyyah while speaking Friday night over the din of a high school game between Jefferson and Hedgesville, a rival of Martinsburg High, where Pittsnogle starred. “But I might have to bite my tongue if we go overseas.”

Long after Hedgesville won, Pittsnogle stood in the gym, dressed in his Bugs Bunny tie and gray dress shirt, rolled to the elbows. On a dare, he grabbed a ball and effortlessly flipped a shot from behind the 3-point arc. It hit the back of the rim.