Things to consider...

Does any other team outside the Ivy League have a Gavin and a Craig? Who needs Ben Eaves, Justin Brown, and Ed Nelson anyway?

Bigger Rap Star: Ed Nelson or Shamon Tooles?

Who wins 1 on 1: Ray Allen or Jesus Shuttlesworth?

What about Mike Rosario or Prince? Or are they the same person?

When Fred Hill (now 10-8 after losing 5 straight) loses his job at the end of the year, at least he won't have to relocate far to become Eddy Curry's new chauffeur.

What if Mr. Gampel’s last name had been Johnson?

If I had been born in the Sudan in the mid-1980’s, was displaced by a civil war, moved across the world for safety and currently awaited NCAA Clearinghouse eligibility, I would have tried to play the Lost Boy card by now. Either that or a fruit basket Ater, WE ONLY HAVE A WEEK LEFT.

More afraid of Jim Calhoun: Cancer or Mike Krzyzewski?

Since 2000: Ajou Ajou Deng, Doug Wrenn, Marcus Cox, Scott Hazelton, Robert Swain, Marcus White, Antonio Kellogg, Rob Garrison, Ben Eaves, Marcus Johnson, Curtis Kelly, and Doug Wiggins; who’s next, and can we be proactive and package Mandeldove, Beverly, and Haralson in a deal for Steph Curry?

Jonathan Mandeldove Facebook Status Suicide Watch:

Back when Hasheem Thabeet and Mandeldove were both “4* recruits who will battle for playing time” and Facebook was the hip new thing, I decided to “friend” each. Since then Hash has blown up while Dove has…, um, well another Bird for UConn has appeared in more games than Dove, and he's a walk-on, so you get the idea.

A month ago, Facebook updates gave me this gem: (These are actual Jonathan Mandeldove Facebook updates; the names, dates, and views expressed have not been altered in any way, shape, or form.)

December 15th: Jonathan is bored with life. 9:45pm

(Now, I've never benchwarmed for a #2 ranked basketball team, but if there's anything I've learned recently it's that even riding pine for a mediocre team is a blast! So it made me wonder what's wrong with Dove, thus The JMFSSW)

To bring you up to speed:

December 27th: Jonathan is kinda upset right now. y am i so nice? some people in this world do not deserve me. 1:16am

(Clearly a backhanded shot at Jimmy C, which I will neither accept nor stand for.)

Jonathan is bored call me if u got my number. 4:39pm

December 28th: Jonathan is bored and is wondering wat ppl r doing? somebody plz save me. 10:32pm

January 4th: Jonathan is bored on Uconn's campus. 4:19pm

Jonathan is bored. 6:20pm

Jonathan is asking someone to save him. 6:22pm

January 12th: Jonathan is bored trying to read this book. 10:27pm

(I can only speculate as to what he may have been reading, but evidence points to this.)

January 13th: Jonathan is deleting all females from his friends list,bc they think i just want to get in there pants. have a gnite. 1:44am

Jonathan is saying that all females think that a guy thats an athlete wants to get in her pants. i fucking hate how some females think. if we never talked her on faceboo. 2:10 am

(Inability to type coherently, irrational thoughts, lack of sexual interest in women, bored with life, asking to be saved...these are not good signs Dove. How about instead of being "bored" all the time YOU WORK ON SOME $@!#&?% LOW POST MOVES!!, you and The Chuckwagon are all we have at the 5 next year! More updates to follow.)

Current Threat Level: Elevated.

Dan (the other guy)